9 tips for dealing with sexual assault, abuse and harassment in
non Western countries
(adapted from an article at:
Sexual assault, harassment and abuse are terms not commonly used in a number of Third World countries. Yet,
they are realities which remain hidden and continue to be perpetrated. Victims of sexual assault, abuse and harassment often
prefer to keep their horrible secret to themselves, knowing they will most probably be blamed at best or considered deviant
and perverted at worst. Neither of these accusations are correct. If you are a victim, this is a danger to yourself and to
others too, who may become the next victims of the sexual harasser and/or abuser. Here are some things you can do about it:
1. Know what the words sexual assault, sexual abuse and sexual harassment mean
Sexual harassment is sexual behavior that is unwanted. The harasser is often someone in a position of authority
(i.e. boss, teacher), but harassment occurs between co-workers or peers as well. Men are sometimes harassed, but most victims
of harassment are women. The harasser is almost always male. Examples of sexual harassment include suggestive comments, pressure
for sexual contact, demands for sex in return for a job or other benefit, sexual jokes.
Sexual assault is an attack of a sexual nature, which includes sexual touching or rape. Sexual abuse is
essentially sexual assault but over a prolonged period of time. Incest, or sexual relations between family members like parents
and children, or brothers and sisters, is an example of sexual abuse. But sexual abuse can occur outside of the immediate
family too. Uncles may abuse nieces and nephews. Grandfathers may abuse grandchildren.
It is also very important to note that sexual crimes do not necessarily mean that sexual intercourse has
taken place. It means any kind of inappropriate sexual touching has occurred.
2. Get medical treatment if you are sexually assaulted or hurt
If you are injured after an attack or sexually assaulted, go to the doctor and get medical treatment as
soon as possible. You do not have to tell anyone who caused the injury.
3. Know you are not alone and you are not to blame
Sexual harassment, assault and abuse are not uncommon and you are not alone. There are others who have suffered
in a similar way, but in most Third World countries, it happens quietly. It is also important to remember that no one has
the right to sexually assault, attack, harass or abuse another person. Islam, in particular, is very strong in its condemnation
of this behavior, and requires both Muslim men and women to behave in a respectful and modest way with the opposite sex (see
Quran 24:30-31).
4. Find the resources available to you
Resources like hotlines, counselors and sexual assault crisis centers may not be available in most Third
World countries, but you may be able to easily find a sympathetic and trustworthy family member or friend you can talk to
about the abuse. Also, if you have a battered women's shelter or women's center in your area, see if they have counselors
or other staff members who know how to deal with this issue.
5. Develop a protection plan
If you intend to leave the house to escape sexual abuse that has been happening for a number of years, make
sure you have basic documents handy with you-birth certificate, health information, citizenship papers, identity cards, etc.
Also find out if there is somewhere else you can move to, even if it's only temporarily, to escape the abuse.
6. Try to get an authority figure to talk about sexual crimes
Try to contact an Imam or authority figure in the community to talk about this issue, whether it is in a
religious sermon, a television program, a radio program, a weekly newspaper column or other mediums. By bringing the topic
out in the open, the problem can begin to be addressed.
7. Learn about, practice and share Islamic etiquette of dealing with the opposite sex
Know the Islamic perspective on how men and women should interact. In particular, learn about the proper
type of behavior that is required between family members, and who is considered a "Mahram" relative and who is not, as well
as what this term means.
8. Protect other women and children from your abuser
You may not be able to report the person who has abused you to the police. But you can try to protect yourself
and other women and children. This can be done in two ways: you can try to find ways to make sure he is never physically alone
with a child or woman; and you can threaten to tell everyone about his problem (even if you don't have the courage to yet)
if he tries to harm anyone else.
9. Put your trust in Allah and seek strength from Him
Know that Allah is just and He deals with all injustice. Also know without a doubt that He is the source
of strength and guidance, and can and will, Insha Allah, help you get through this. Turn to Him regularly in prayer and supplication
when you feel overwhelmed with this situation or any other difficulty. Pray that He gives you the strength, and that He guides
your abuser and protects others from his evil.
10 tips for friends of sexual assault, abuse and harassment
victims in non Western Countries
Issues of sexuality are generally considered more private and confidential in non Western countries than
in Western ones. Close friends are usually the few individuals people discuss and share personal details about sex with. A
friend may also be the first person a victim of sexual abuse, assault or harassment confides in. This is why it is necessary
to keep a few tips in mind when dealing with this issue, which is sensitive and very difficult to handle for both victims
and supporters.
1. Know what these three terms are
Generally speaking, sexual harassment includes touching someone sexually who a person is not married to.
Sexual assault includes rape or attacking someone sexually, even if sexual intercourse does not take place. Sexual abuse happens
over a period of time. Often this includes incest, or sexual relations between family members like parents and children, or
brothers and sisters.
2. Listen to your friend with compassion
This is one of the most important things you can do. Remember that you are most probably living in a society
where sex is not very openly discussed. A sexual crime, therefore, is not something a person would discuss easily or with
anybody. They trust you. Find a quiet place where you can talk safely and without interruption.
3. Believe her
It's very important to trust that your friend is telling you the truth. Denying that abuse is happening
will probably make her trust no one again, and make her keep her secret to herself.
4. Tell her she is not to blame
In many places, whether it is East or West, people blame a woman who is sexually harassed, assaulted or
abused. "She asked for it," is a common excuse given for sexual crimes. Some may similarly justify child sexual abuse. But
there is no excuse. Remember that in Islam, men and women are both required to behave with modesty and respect with the opposite
sex, whether that person is a Muslim or a non-Muslim, and no matter how he or she is dressed or behaving. A woman's dress
(or lack of it), for instance, is not an excuse for rape or sexual harassment.
5. Maintain confidentiality
This is extremely important, especially when it comes to victims of sexual crimes. Because culturally, people
from the Third World are usually very private and silent about these matters, the privacy of the victim must be respected.
If it is not, not only is the victim likely to be humiliated and shunned, but you will lose the trust of your friend. More
importantly, remember that when someone tells you their secret, this is a trust which you are required to keep for the sake
of Allah.
6. Discuss safety and resources available to you
If you are living in a place where there are some women's centers or shelters, take your friend to them.
If not, see if you can work out another arrangement where your friend can find a safe place to stay when and if she decides
to escape sexual abuse at home (if she is a victim of this). If she has been sexually harassed or assaulted, discuss strategies
for safety, whether it's avoiding certain parts of the city, certain people or certain behaviors.
7. Encourage Imam to discuss the problem
Whether it's an Imam, a teacher, a writer or some other authority figure, bring up the issue of sexual crimes
with this individual and explain how pervasive and harmful it is, using your friend's example without giving her name. Encourage
this authority figure to discuss the problem openly and to condemn it in sermons, articles, lectures, etc. This discussion
will bring the issue to the public's attention and will then have to be dealt with.
8. Warn others about the abuser
Privately watch out and warn others about the abuser/harasser. This can be done by simply keeping children
away from him/her, indirectly warning women to stay away from him, and encouraging gender segregation so he has no access
to potential victims. Also, consider telling someone in authority if you are sure this will not backfire and end up putting
the victim and you in danger.
9. Lobby the government and police
The government must make tougher laws and police must put their foot down on sexual crimes. This will take
time, but starting a simple letter writing campaign, even if it is just to bring the issue to the attention of the right authorities,
will plant the seeds in the minds of those who can do something about this problem on a larger level.
10. Dua is connecting with the All-Powerful
Dua (prayer) connects you with the most Powerful one, our Creator. Please make special prayers for your
friend who is going through this turmoil. Our beloved Prophet has said that your prayer for a person increases love between
you and that person. May Allah's peace and blessings be upon him.
